May. 19th, 2009

omoni: (Zuko aaarrrrghh)
Why should I give a shit about YOU if you don't give a shit about ME?

Why should I pretend to forgive YOU if you keep on rubbing my nose in it?

Why should I believe in a god that wants nothing to do with me?

Why should I subject myself to delusion in order to attempt to feel more human?

Why would I want to feel human when being humane is the minority of things?

Why should I care?

Why should I be here?

Who would miss me?

I wouldn't!

I've tried to get on some spiritual boots. I've tired to see if there was some way to find a nice spiritual hat that fits my tiny head. All of them are either too tight, fall over my eyes, or make me want to rip said hat into shreds. I'm just not MEANT to have a spirituality. Does this mean I have no soul?

Would that be so surprising if I had no soul?

Do I really want to be associated with other people of the same banner who are COMPLETELY INSANE?

Is it easier to be apathetic and atheistic, or far, far harder, because you have no one to blame for your problems but yourself?

I'm so sick of people judging me all the time. I'm sick of strangers, usually idiotic kids, who look at me and find me an object solely existing for their own purpose: to torment and humiliate. And when I retaliate, I'M the bad guy.

I'm tired of being wronged and then being viewed, eternally, as the bad guy.

I'm tired of putting my heart out there only to have it blown up.

It makes me sick when people who speak of forgiveness, love, and friendship only SPEAK of it, and they never put it into practice, and yet they STILL get what they want, and I'm nothing but honest and get nothing.

I haven't been this willing to fling myself into a lake in a long, long, time. Only this time the enemy isn't myself. It's everyone.

Also

May. 19th, 2009 01:44 pm
omoni: (Bitchslap)
Get bent, you stupid fucking hypocrite.

I may hold grudges.

I may not be a very nice person.

But at least I don't pretend to have integrity while being a complete asshole.

At least I don't pretend to give a shit about people when it's obvious that it's your way or no way.

And, the most damning, at least when the going gets tough, at least I don't abandon my friends like a sack of shit for the person I'm fucking.

So yes, I laugh at you, alot, when you claim that friendship "friends look out for each other, help each other when they're down," and that "friends can fight, just like couples fight in a relationship, no matter how compatible they are with each other[...]What makes those relatsionships [sic] and friendships strong is how they get through those hard times together and can come out on top for the better."

You have no fucking idea. I may gnaw at old bones, but at least I'm not a fucking two-faced hypocrite like you.

There, I feel better now.

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